A Breast Cancer Scare & My First Mammogram

I’ve been debating posting about my  breast cancer scare but it’s all I have been thinking about  AND this is why I started stylish cravings to share my life, even the scary stuff.  I went to see my gynecologist  for some weird cramps I’ve been having and while I was there I showed him a small  lump that was on my aerola.  I gotta be honest I never gave the little lump any thought at all – in fact the only reason I had it checked was because I was already there for the horrid cramps I’ve been having.  Anyway, the doctor took a look at it and said it looked like a gland might also be infected and asked if I was breast feeding (which I’m not) and told me to let him know if it got bigger.  Again, I didn’t think anything of it because it was actually smaller than it was the week before.   Fast forward three days later and the damn lump is probably four times its original size, peeling, and now the skin around it is red. Shit!  I then did the worst thing you do in a  situation like this  – I googled breast cancer and it scared me even more especially because of the the peeling and redness that was now all over the lump.  I’m not even going to embarrass my myself and list all the paranoid diagnosis I’ve come up with.

 The first thing I did was call the doctor who sent me to get a mammogram and ultrasound of my breast.  The appointment was set for Monday and it was Friday.  While on the phone I kept asking the nurse if I should be worried and of course her answer was “there’s not much to say until you do the scan.”  Great, the worst thing you can give a person like me is too much time and no answers because my mind never ever quiets down.  When I got off the phone I sat and stared at my breast and just started sobbing and it wasnt even because I was scared it was because for the first time in my life I felt helpless and I didnt know where to get the strength I needed to keep moving.  My life is busy and I  do not have the luxury of becoming paralyzed by fear.  So I did what I always do when I’m upset or stressed I obsessivley cleaned and organized which is perfect in a house full of boys because by the time I’m done cleaning it usually needs to be cleaned again.  I tried to think positive but I was terrified in the past few months my cousin’s mother died of cancer and my aunt is currently battling it and both times it started with breast cancer – I keep repeating to myself it’s nothing because it simply has to be nothing it just has to be.